Mighty Rum may live again!
Now that my clandestine distillery puts me at risk of bounty hunters, I have tried to shackle up at the cockerel with some other petty criminals. Alleged. That’s important to them.
Anyway, the other day old Ruthger Punchrabbit got tired of me, Laxodon, Eel and Thak and sent us to collect the dragon Bigad’s treasure. Bigad, so the story goes, has not been seen in years and years. I agreed because I wanted to check on my distillery on the way there, and I had nothing better to do.
Anyway, the 4 of us set out from the Cockerel to find Vondela of Peara who had a treasure map. On the way we walked past the distillery but decided not to go in. It looked to be in great condition though!
We did meet a noble knight on his steed who seemed eager for adventure, and eventually we turned around and took him with us after initially assigning him to distillery guard duty.
We found Peara at the Hold Cain Inn, but before we got talking to him we were brutally attacked by and brawled with a weird guy called Turtlehead Tony and some of his friends. Naturally, my brawl-proven band of babboons (oh diary, I say this lovingly!) defeated them without much trouble.
Only problem was, it turns out vondela of Peara is a… Well… Money maker who sold the treasure map multiple times, each time assuring the buyer it was the only copy and hiding the fact he couldn’t read the book it came from and was merely tracing.
Seeing as we had nothing better to do and still hoped for treasure, we followed the map anyway.
We went up the big river, hiding our motives whenever we encountered travelers. I did gather some great rum making herbs and other secret ingredients.
After cozy nights by the fire, we got to a more lonely part of the journey. We should have known that something was off when we saw smoke rising uo, but decided to ignore what we saw and push ahead. We did meet a charming young lady after that, she lived by herself and had no recollection or at least no answer to how she got to be in thT situation. She said she had an axe but the others convinced me not to invite myself into her gome to see it.
A few hours later, we started to get a bit tired when suddenly, our brave knight pointed out… Dragon tracks!!!
There was a possibility that it was another large animal of course, but at this point we were prepared for anything. While we were arguing about what to do, turtlehead tony and his scoundrels showed up behind us! We did have time to hide and wanted to let them go ahead. If the dragon was alive, at least tony and his guys would be eaten. If the dragon was dead, we could follow behind and just deal with Turtlehead.
Somehow I got confused, though, maybe it was the lack of rum or something. So I took a stone and threw it at them from behind, and well, it landed in the lake. Did I mention there was a lake? And a cave.
Anyway, turtlehead was still mad because of the other night, because he attacked us. We were doing alright defending ourselves, but then I guess my stone kinda woke the dragon Bigad - I guess he was just sleeping, not dead.
What’s that saying, draco dormiens nuncam titillando or something? So now we were kind of busy fighting the dragon and I got badly injured and couldn’t really participate in the fighting much; but the rest of them seemed to do okay. Most of Turtlehead Tony’s guys died, but I guess he and the rest of my group of uhm, alleged, petty criminals joined forces, and defeated the dragon. We did have our knight’s noble steed to carry back some stuff, but a lot of it was useless.
Anyway, sadly the knight didn’t make it, but at least now I have money to oay back Ruthger and stay at the cockerel a little longer and I have funds and herbs RESTART THE DISTILLERY AND SELL MIGHY RUM when the action has blown over a bit. I do wonder if that will happen seeing as Lax is sure to write a newspaper article about the whole thing. Oh well.
Laxodon suggested I take classes in self preservation so as to not wake sleeping dragons. Maybe he has a point? Right now I’ve just been sober for too long so I’ll join the others in a night of drinking and brawling.
Oh diary, even at 270 years of age, this dwarf takes such comfort in knowing she has one friend who will never abandon her.